


The Tears She Cries

by closetspngirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 09:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetspngirl/pseuds/closetspngirl
Summary: Tilly has issues with the dreams she has at night, the guys worry and try to help her out.





	The Tears She Cries

“Ok, I’m done for the night. I can’t see straight and I’ve been on the same page for a half an hour. I’m going to bed, don’t stay up late,” Sam said as he patted Dean on the shoulder and walked out of the library. As he walked down the hall he passed her room, seeing the light on through the cracked door he knocked lightly. 

“Hey Tilly, you ok?” Sam asked her after he saw her sitting at the little desk in her room. Tilly. She always said she hated that nickname. She couldn’t even remember why the boys started calling her that, but she secretly liked it. The boys just would never know. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah I’m fine. Just catching up on some reading before I go to bed.”

“Ok, I’ll see you in the morning. Pancakes for breakfast?”

She smiled, “Blueberry?”

“You got it Tills. Night.”

Dean had an awful sleep schedule; everyone knew it. So of course he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, despite Sam having told him a few hours ago to not stay up late. When he finally decided to head to bed he got up and did his usual routine. He made sure the door was locked, lights were off or dimmed, and brushed his teeth. Dean was making his way to his room when he heard something muffled, but couldn’t quite tell what it was. He walked toward where it was coming from, her door, and stopped. 

Talking? It’s three in the morning. Who could she be talking to at this hour? No, that’s not talking…crying?

He opened the door quietly so that if she were awake he wouldn’t disturb her. There was enough light coming in from the hall to let him see that she was in fact sleeping, and crying. Dean stood there for a minute, debating on if he should wake her or let her sleep through it. It didn’t seem like she was distressed, it was just a soft crying. After a few minutes she seemed to stop and stayed asleep, so he closed her door again and went back to bed. 

The next morning she was woken up from the smell of breakfast, remembering Sam was going to make blueberry pancakes. She shuffled in in yoga pants, one of the Dean’s old band t-shirts and her mousy brown hair thrown into a messy bun. 

“Morning boys,” she yawned out, heading straight for the coffee. 

“Morning Tills.”

“Morning kiddo,” Dean said to her, eyeing her carefully. 

She turned around as she was taking a sip of the still hot coffee, only to see Dean’s eyes were still on her. 

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No. Just looking. So, did you sleep ok?” He asked, wondering how she would answer. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Had some weird dreams, but I think it’s because of the book that I’m reading, either that or the lore that I was going through yesterday. You?”

“Good, yeah I slept good.”

The day went on uneventfully. They didn’t have a case to be working on, so they were just hanging around the bunker, enjoying the break in hunts. The three, four including Cas, were enjoying the break so much, the lot of them even had a game night. The most entertaining part of that was trying to teach Cas how to play poker, which as it turned out he was a quick study. Even Dean was grateful that they were playing for chore duty and not real money. 

After deeming the following day to be a chore day while Cas sat around and watched, they all headed to bed. 

Sam had gotten up in the middle of the night, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water and a snack. Walking through the hall he heard a faint noise, noticing that it got a little louder the closer he got to her room. Stopping, he listened for a moment, realizing she was crying. He gently opened the door and stepped inside, seeing her stirring, having some kind of dream. She wasn’t crying anything more than a few tears and whimpers, and her stirring wasn’t anything to be worried by.

He stepped closer to the bed, still not wanting to wake her he whispered, “Tills. Tilly.” 

The stirring and crying calmed, and she stayed asleep so he left just as quietly as he came. 

The following afternoon, the two of them were in the library reading through lore books. Sam kept fidgeting, wanting to make sure she was ok, but not sure how to ask. He started and stopped several times but didn’t get anywhere. 

“Sammy, if there’s something you want to ask, just ask. You know I’m an open book,” she said with an exasperated sigh. 

Sam laughed nervously, “Yeah, uh, actually there was. Did you sleep ok last night?”

“Um…yeah? That’s an odd question. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, just curious. I heard you stirring about last night. Just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“Yep. Everything is fine. Thanks for your concern though Sammy, it’s sweet of you,” she told him before getting up and heading into the kitchen. 

\---

A few days later Sam was in the kitchen eating breakfast and scrolling through the latest news articles, seeing if there was a case anywhere. Dean walked in dressed in jeans and a grey t-shirt with grease stains on it. 

“Hey man, I’m going to go work on Baby, make sure she’s good to go for the next hunt. Let me know if you find something?”

“Yeah. Where’s Tills? I haven’t seen her this morning.”

“She told me yesterday she was going to go out, run a few errands, have a little ‘me’ time. Why?” He asked Sam, a look of concern starting to cloud his face.

“Just wondering,” Sam responded, but after noticing the look on Dean’s face he continued. “Ok, I heard hear crying a few nights ago, and I went in to check on her. She was moving around, crying, having some kind of dream, but I didn’t wake her. She calmed down after a minute and never woke up. I asked her the next day how she slept and she said fine. So either she’s not telling us something, or she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.”

After he finished, he realized Dean had a look like he was recalling something, a far off look in his eye. 

“Dude. You ok? Did you even listen to me?”

“Yeah, actually that wasn’t the first time. She did the same thing that night we were up late researching. I did the same thing as you, she didn’t seem to be having a nightmare or anything, and so I let her sleep. She calmed after a minute or so and never woke up. That’s why I asked her the next morning. What do you think it is?”

“I mean we haven’t had any insane hunts lately, no loss of innocents. Unless there’s something from her past that she hasn’t told us? How do we even talk to her about this though?” Sam questioned. 

“Let’s just let it go for a while longer, see if it happens again. Then we’ll talk to her. We’ll see if Cas can help too.”

\---

Two weeks had passed and they boys heard her crying eight of those nights. The cries and stirring never suggested that she was having a nightmare, but there was something in her mind that was bothering her. 

Finally after the ninth night, the boys asked her about it. They were in the kitchen eating lunch, having just come back from a trip to the grocery store. 

“Hey Tills, can we talk to you for a minute?” Dean asked, sitting down next to Sam.

“Sure, what’s up?” she asked, sitting opposite them after putting three beers on the table. 

“There’s really not going to be any way to bring this up without it being awkward, but, were you aware that you cry in your sleep?” Sam asked, both brothers looking at her expectantly. 

“Umm…no? What is this about?” she looked between them, starting to get nervous. 

“You’ve been crying in your sleep Tilly. What have you been dreaming about lately, do you remember any of your dreams? Is there something bothering you?” Dean asked gently, his protective side showing a little. 

She sat there, in thought, trying to pull the dreams from the last few nights. Slowly, bits and pieces started coming back. “I think I’ve been dreaming about my dad. But nothing bad. Nothing even happens in the dream. I just see him. I think lately I’ve been trying to call out to him. I never remember much the next morning, but I did notice that my eyes felt heavier in the mornings, like after you cry, but I never connected the two.”

Sam hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you…do you want us to call Cas? And see if he can help you in any way?”

“I mean, I guess it wouldn’t hurt? I don’t know what he could do though.” 

\---

The three of them were sat in the library a couple hours later, when Dean started praying to Cas, hoping he’d show up. After he finished, you waited for what seemed like an eternity, when in reality it was only a couple of minutes; Cas was punctual like that. 

“Dean, what’s wrong? Your prayer sounded…concerning.”

“Yeah, uh, we were wondering if you could help Tills, she’s been having an issue…” Dean started before getting cut off by the angel. 

“Sleeping. The dreams she’s been having have been causing her stress that manifests in crying.”

Wide eyed she looked at Castiel, “How did you…”

“I tend to keep an ear to the three of you, in case something happens. I can hear you during the night while you’re dreaming, when you see your dad. I don’t ever listen or look in; I would if I felt like you were in any kind of distress or danger; which you haven’t seemed to be in. I knew Sam and Dean were here which is why I haven’t said anything.”

“No, Cas, it’s fine. I actually didn’t even know it was happening until today. They said you might be able to help me?”

The angel seemed to hesitate for a moment, looking down at his navy tie for a moment, picking at an invisible thread at the end of it. 

“Cas-“ Dean said, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Tilly, I can’t make what is happening go away completely, per se. I can make it so…so you don’t react when you see him.” Castiel said slowly.

“But…will I know? Know that it’s him? Or will it just be a man?” she asked, the fear coming through in the question.

Cas was back to the non-thread on his tie. “I…I don’t know. I wouldn’t be taking away memories of your father, so in theory you should know that it’s him, you just won’t react to him. But like I said…it’s just a theory. I don’t have a definite answer for you. I’m sorry.” Castiel sounded so deflated when he finished what he was telling her. They all knew that he hated it when he let people down, especially the people closest to him. 

“I…I-“ She started, then stopped, trying to formulate her thoughts. She knew the boys were watching her, waiting for her answer. Tears started stinging the back of her eyes. She really didn’t want to cry in front of them, but she also knew that she didn’t have much choice this time; they were going to come whether she wanted them to or not. 

“Sorry, I need to think about it, I’m not sure-“ 

“Tills. Wait!” Sam called to her, trying to catch her before she left, but she was already down the hall. He let out an audible sigh and looked at Dean. “Then I guess we wait, it’s her decision after all.” 

Dean shrugged, knowing Sam was right. “Sorry Cas. We’ll talk to her, and let you know what she says.”

“It’s ok Dean. Let her know that she can take as much time as she needs.” With a flutter of invisible wings he was gone as quick as he showed up.

“I’m going to go try and talk to her, make sure she’s ok,” Sam said quietly.

Sam knocked on her door quietly. She knew it was coming, Sam always checked up on her when something was bothering her. 

“Come in.”

He opened the door enough to stick his head in, seeing that she was lying on her side on the bed, facing the wall. She wouldn’t have told him, but he knew that she had been crying, making sure there was no evidence of it on her face. But he knew. 

“Hey Tills. You ok?” He asked, stepping all the into the room and closing the door behind him, going over and sitting on the edge of her bed behind her. 

“No,” she said flatly, followed by a soft sob. 

Sam knew she wasn’t done; she just needed a minute to get her thoughts out. 

“I don’t want to forget him. I know Cas said that he wouldn’t take my memories of him, but he also said that he wasn’t completely certain, and that terrifies me. I mean, it’s not bothering me, so what that I cry in my sleep. I know that if something really gets to me in the middle of the night, I have you and Dean here. But I’m getting tired.”

“Oh, I can let you go to sleep-“ Sam started. 

“No, I mean I’m getting tired of having the same dream so often. Crying aside. More often than not, I see my dad, usually standing across the street, or somewhere a ways away from me. He doesn’t answer, or make any indication that he knows me, but I know him. I’m getting tired of having those dreams. It sits with me the rest of the day and it bothers me. What if it isn’t such a bad thing to not know who he is? At least in the dream…but then Cas said…”

He was rubbing he back now as the sobs started. Sam knew she was stuck in this catch 22, one choice just as unsure as the next. It was maybe fifteen minutes before she started to calm down, before Sam tried to talk to her again. 

“Tills, you don’t have to make a choice right away. You can do it if and when you’re ready and comfortable. This is completely up to you.”

Sam stayed there for a few more minutes. Not wanting to leave her like this. When her breathing evened out, he gave her squeezed her shoulder and stood up to leave. 

“Sam,” he heard before his hand was on the doorknob.

“Yeah?”

“Can…can you stay? I don’t know why, but…I’m scared to go to sleep…” she told him, a stray sniffle leaving her.

“Of course,” he whispered before going back over to the bed, laying in the space that she made for him. Personal space wasn’t an issue for any of them. She had shared a bed with both Dean and Sam, separately, on various hunts; this wasn’t anything new to either of them. 

When he was comfortable lying on his side, she rolled into his chest taking one last deep breath to calm herself. He wrapped an arm around her, placing a kiss to her forehead, “I’ve got you Tills,” was the last thing that was said before they both slipped into sleep. 

A few hours later Sam was woken up by her moving in his arms, not realizing what was happening right away. 

“Tills? What’s going on?” He said sleepily, but he didn’t get a response. He heard her whimper, seeing now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark, that she was still asleep. “Hey, it’s ok,” he whispered, not sure if it was going to help or not. That was when he heard her start to cry, not knowing what to do though, he laid next to her and held her, waiting for her to calm herself. 

She was walking along the same street, of the same dream, passing the same four cars. Turning the corner, something caught her eye. When she turned to look, it was a man standing a ways down on the sidewalk, watching her. It was her dad. She smiled, a sad smile, noticing that this dream was different than the others. He started walking towards her, but never coming close enough to reach him. A tear rolled down her cheek when she realized that she still couldn’t talk to him. He mouthed the words, “It’s ok. I love you,” but she was confused. Things were fading away quickly as she tried to tell him that she loved him too.

She woke up warm, remembering that she had asked Sam to stay with her last night, surprised that he wasn’t up and on his run already. Turning over and opening her eyes she was met with his hazel ones. “Morning,” she said shyly, moving her gaze to his chest.

“Morning. Another dream?”

“Yeah…I think. Can…can we call Cas?” she asked him, still looking anywhere but his eyes.

“Are you sure? You know you don’t have to do this right now, or at all.”

“I know, but I think I need to.”

“Ok.” He told her, kissing her again on her forehead.

\---

Later that afternoon they were once again around the table in the library, Cas standing next to her. 

“You’re sure Till? Like I said yesterday, I can’t promise how this turns out for you.”

“I’m sure, Cas. It’s ok.”

Stepping behind her he placed both of his large hands on the crown of her head, both of them closing their eyes. The look on her face faltered, making both brothers nervous; but trusting Cas to the fullest with what he was doing. After a moment he stepped back removing his hands, both of them opening their eyes.

“How do you feel kiddo?” Dean asked first.

“I…I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out? Sam…” she started to ask, but he just nodded, knowing what she was going to ask him. 

“Of course.”

It was the first night in a while that she didn’t cry, Sam even slept through the whole night. He woke up early the next morning, seeing that she was sleeping peacefully and snuck out of the room to go start breakfast. Her and Dean walked into the kitchen and right for the coffee pot at the same time before turning to Sam and grumbling their good mornings. 

 

With a chuckle Sam turned around, “So, sleep ok?”

“Yeah, I guess. Nothing eventful,” she shrugged.

“Well, I found us a case, so we’ll eat breakfast and pack up. It’s not too far from here. We’ll leave in an hour,” Dean told the both of them. 

After breakfast the three of them set off to pack up and get ready for the hunt. Sam stopped by her room and knocked on the already open door. He didn’t get a response right away, seeing her holding a picture in her hands, a thumb running over the paper. He knew that picture, the one that sat on her desk next to the bed. 

“Hey Tills, you ok?”

“Hm? Yeah, fine. Just looking at this photo of my mom and…and…yeah I’m fine. You ready to go?” she asked, looking up at him, her whole demeanor changing in a second.

“Yeah, Dean’s already in the garage waiting for us,” he replied. 

She dropped the photo onto her bed and walked out, missing the troubled look that covered Sam’s face; resulting from her leaving the picture of her parents that she brought with her on every hunt.


End file.
